Your Friendly Not Quite Neighbourhood Police Force?

These cuddly chaps are part of a European squad who can be called into an country according to David Malone.  They are rumoured to be operating in Greece, though based in Italy under the name ‘Eurogenfor’.  One has to favour the crushing of the kind of riots we had recently in the UK, but if we have to have these chaps in reserve we’ve lost the plot. The UK is not among the 6 nations contributing, but they could be called here.  Cops in the old days were often outsiders, but this is ridiculous.  Have we really sunk this low?

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Hats Off To The Libyan People

The Arab Spring may yet turn out to be just a shifting of power elites, but who knows?  Those of us who have ‘taught’ in security and other roles tend to have little faith in the peoples of the Middle East – it’s not that long since the Greeks had the vile rule of the colonels.  Whilst I’ve had to dodge mobs in the area, they show remarkable courage getting on the street against the dictators, and we should remember that we aren’t managing to do the same or really even spot who the tyrants are.  My hat’s off in recognition of the courage.

What’s behind the ‘revolution’ it is impossible to be sure.  Friends and colleagues across the area say things about the tyrants like ‘they are eating us from the inside-out – soon even to our skins’ – this from ordinary blokes and women.  Others say of the tyrants, ‘at least they keep the mullahs off our backs’ and everyone has some notion of the ‘wasta’ system of influence, much as of the Mafias in some parts of Italy.  Some would welcome moves to more modern, western society, but all share distaste for it in some measure – a distaste many of us share.

The rebels have had unusual support in terms of air supremacy that has broken the main superiority in arms of the governments and in Libya in particular it looks as though we are repeating old tactics – much as if the Mayfair Group is back in business.  Television reporting is crude, with images of ‘war reporters’ in hard hats and body-armour but never under fire and familiar scenes of locals shooting in the air.  ‘Men in pink shirts’ are spotted as former Special Forces, but the action is always ‘nearby’ – something that makes little sense to anyone who has seen street fighting (where about the last place you want to be is on the open street – which is where you die).  Little we get to see could not be staged on a film set and the actually unarrested favoured son pops up with his own claque to prove the point.

The vile dictators of the Middle East are falling – one has to hope Saudi, other Gulf Cooperation countries and Syria will not miss out.  We presumably planned to do this back in 1956 through the Suez Crisis, in collusion with France.  One can re-write 20th century history quite convincingly with the British invasion of Iraq in 1913 as the start of WW1.  The big question is whether malign western interests want the current destabilization in order to find new groups to put in power and exploit at higher percentages than possible under the old regimes.  We have shown no interest in supporting previously elected governments in the area

To the Libyan crying freedom I tilt my hat (not that I own one), but I suspect a western financial system looking to hide massive fraud is looking for cash cow assets to milk, bought at fire-sale prices.  Greece has been broken to this without any military intervention.  My guess is the Arab Spring has nowhere to go because we need spring cleaning in our own ‘democracy’.  Our own GDP figures show we have been eaten from the inside-out too.  Our regime is better hidden than Qaddafi.  Do you remember voting for a transfer of money from poor to rich, for investment in India and China instead of in jobs here or for the influx of migrant labour?

The manifestos of our political parties remind me of bank balance sheets – written to avoid telling the truth and look like something they are not – a way for an outsider or voter to work out the true state of what is being said.  I can point to all the gimmicks used in either, but it all comes down to false claims that detailed investigation and leg-work can reveal as meaningless guff.  We have legitimated the kind of lying crooks do as our cultural norm.

The Libyans will forget how Qaddafi was received as a savior 42 years ago and will thus be prone to the next.  I suspect our rituals are the same without the shooting in the air.

Sending in the Apaches

In 1956 we had a sound grasp of Middle East politics.  Send in  the Israelis, then invade the whole shebang with the French in a policing action and steal the oil.  We’d left an 80,000 strong army over there since WW2 on the off-chance.

There was something more honest about this depravity than current aspersions about spreading democracy.  The Apaches were inevitable.  What we seem short of is any public dialogue about what we are up to and how we can afford this, but not 20,000 needed police officers.

Our politics and media deserted the price of fish long ago.  It was ‘news’ yesterday that Americans can’t understand Cheryl Cole.  Human communication is mostly noise – it’s my belief we need a control theory algorithm to understand anything in it.  The situation in world affairs seems reported a bit like a joke with no punchline – the beer in here reminds me of making love in the bottom of a punt – which only makes sense when  you add ‘fucking close to water’.  Afghanistan, Iraq  and the Arab Spring make as little sense as yet.

Science’s grasp of what it is to be human, is that we are social animals and our thinking is predominantly unconscious, a bit like a blender whirring away with its lid off.  When people lack emotion, they don’t become like the Vulcan Spock, but psychopathic.  Perhaps this helps explain how we come to such ‘rational’ decisions to send in Apache engines of death to bring democracy and such general madness such as ‘foreign policy’?  The argument I envisage would take several books I can’t be bothered to write, which in turn would be written in a conscious form lacking the very stuff with which we’d need to engage to learn to change anything.  By then the Apaches will have done their work.

I don’t doubt we should send in the Apaches.  But I don’t doubt the unholy mess that requires this either.  What I find untenable is that we seem to accept and play our lives in such crap politics.  Our public-conscious form is almost entirely disgusting to me.  I might well care for Cheryl Cole the person, but cannot abide what the image does to me.  I can barely ‘see’ our politicians and media personages as people at all.  I ‘hear’ no public argument at all, witnessing just a drossed-out noise and a smell of air-freshener acting like that stuff that is supposed to direct my buying and drives me out of shops.

The Macht-Politik is a form of chimpanzee politics with words.  When Hollywood produces the definitive history of Apache success, Cheryl will be doing the flying.  Libya will be free of Gaddafis and oil bought through their successors at the right price.  Quite how free Libyans will be from the bread line will matter as little as now.

There is no news of any sustainable, human world that might justify our Apaches.  Just Dave, playing at being Bliar. who played at being Thatcher in drag, who played Churchill in drag, who was half-American and played such an important role in ensuring world wars only the United States could win, long before the CIA could plot its sleepers into Number Ten  … in the absence of facts my mind wanders to conspiracy.  So why are the Americans letting us share Libya’s oil with France after all this time!  Perhaps they hope the cheese-eating surrender monkeys will turn on us and they can turn up, late as usual, to pick up the spoils and technology to save the dollar!  Pan to Cheryl’s face and it’s a wrap …

Your chance to emulate ‘Sid’

My ideas on replacing our expensive public sector police forces with a Zambian-trained Laotian Guard have been taken up by the Countylition (first ‘o’ superfluous, but zeros sell well these days).  Sadly for deficit freaks, the plan will be delayed by a few months, as I have lent the lads to Qaddafi to quell some unfortunate democracy in Libya.  Still, practice makes perfect, and there will soon be enough unrest here to make good use of their special skills.  One hopes our soon-to-be redundant constabulary members will still support crowd control tactics as they wait for their new private sector, minimum wage jobs.  Things may turn nasty when they realise Gadget has over-estimated availability of such work in Wiltshire job centres.

I just love privatization, especially as I look out to sea from my base here in Turks and Caicos.  Soon any large multinational will be able to send 10% of their profits here, if based in the UK.  I work for a flat percentage, rather than on some obscene bonus payment scam.  Upfront you understand.  Sadly, my last sure fire privatization did not live up to profit expectations.  The business plan was fine, centered on providing high quality, high fibre meals to NHS patients (boiled grass, flavoured to choice).  The problem was French competition getting in first (see the recent Dispatches), and my insistence on too high a food quality.

Our next venture here is the set-up of an offshore cooperative franchise operation.  This is your chance to get in at the ground-level of this venture, following the smart-money (cash once labelled with Smartwater and other tracking treatments that ensure it ends up with us).  Soon, Realcops R Us, Get Your Social Work Bulgarian-style and a range of other cooperative not-for-anyone-doing-the-work-profit cooperatives will be available in a neighbourhood (we like the friendlier term ‘hood’) near you.  Just send cash to our Caymans subsidiary.  We’ll double your stake in 12 months or your money back in Zambian Delta hedging.