The Zimmer Baton

I can recommend retirement in an especially sweet manner now it is to be denied to those foolish enough to continue to work after my decision to go.  Soon, men will need to be 66 and not long after 70 before they can get state pensions, many in the private sector have seen theirs withered away by bent employers and the public sector is about to be shafted.  Police in particular will lose out badly, though for most of them this is merely ironic justice as they will have voted like turkeys for Xmas, with about as much knowledge as these creatures in such matters.

This is thus the ideal time for ACO Offshore Inc. to announce the prototyping trials of our Zimmer Baton, which will both support the increasing number of doddering police officers who will not be able to afford to retire, and allow them to swat out with the baton attachment in several directions whilst so supported when on riot control duties.  More advanced models will come equipped with mortar round firing capability on one leg and a modified general purpose machine gun in the other, for those still licensed for armed service.  The Zimmer Baton is self-stabilising and waterproof, coming complete with its own cover, which also doubles to keep officers dry as thus not allow them to retire early on medical grounds with the arthritis most will surely suffer from as service extends into their 70s.


11 thoughts on “The Zimmer Baton

  1. They want to “flog” the work-horses ’til they drop…..

    A Zimmer Baton? Stuff that for a game of soldiers ACO!

    Whatever happened to dignity in old age?

  2. Given we live amongst all kinds of improved technology and productivity it seems amazing they want us to work longer. Dignity seems to evaporate as soon as it costs anything.

  3. Strangely enough Magoo, I do hum that tune, sometimes even without irony or thoughts of Monty Python. Are we supposed to believe politicians when they say there will be not cuts in police front line services, or expect these will come (as they have today)as soon as we have been conned into voting?

  4. Some of my mature students are stuck working in Manchester’s larger hotels Mrs.Magoo. I have had a couple of emails on Acpo proclivities and excess drinking, but sadly no news on whether they are plotting a coup with sharpened, chocolate-dipped strawberries.

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